It’s been a while since the first blog entry I’ve written, to be brutally honest, I was actually uninspired all through out those times, even when I was writing that blog, and up until now, I was trying to sound like I’m optimistic, inspiring and whatsoever adjective we can use to describe ourselves to be superficially up there.
But I’m not, I was really drained, no motivational speeches can make me change my mind on how I see things; even how many hours sleep I take, exercise, or eat healthily, it was all just the same. I’m demotivated, uninspired, and just plain dreaded to see the world in an unending monotonous loop.
I can’t say it’s the same for you, we’re two different people anyways, maybe there are people like me having this right now, I’m not sure if this is what they call quarter life crisis whatsoever, but I once told my manager I’m probably having a mid-life crisis and he/she corrected me (I’m just in my mid 20’s that time), but behind my head I think that’s safe to say, I’m not expecting to live more than 60 years anyways, it’s too depressing, this world is lol.
What I’m saying is, I don’t wanna live a long life, I wanna live a fulfilling one, I want to be able to see myself reach my fullest potential, to be successful in a way I am able to uplift other people, but as of the moment I don’t feel like that, that I am able to share myself to anyone, I feel like my spark and my magic has gotten to an extent of just being an amber about to die out, but just thinking about those things, I feel like being set free, to do something else, breaking the norm, and just plain, doing whatever I want.
I’m afraid to try new things much more start from scratch, stick with what’s working you know?, risk is not for the faint of heart, and that’s something I can’t afford. I hate to say it, but isn’t everyone like this?, we have bills to pay, mouths to feed and a lifestyle to maintain, but envisioning myself just starting from zero makes my heart tingles, brains stimulated, and my eyes just can’t wait to scrape off the same scenery it’s used to see and just view a new perspective. I dunno but that’s what it(myself) really wants to do. Quit everything and Go to siargao or somewhere far, rent some apartment there, and just do my passion projects.
But to finish off this chapter of this blog, I just wanna say as the author, owner, founder, etc., we actually all know the answer, we do, we’re just afraid sometimes to identify it; because of ego or pride, or busy-ness maybe in the way? I myself once thought I could do anything, it’s all about setting the right mindset, but just like what I said, no motivational youtube videos can set your mind straight if you just keep giving it food/work that it doesn’t want to digest/do, while you are you, you’re body requires attention as well, see it as if it’s somebody else who works for you, he/she needs a break as too, do something they really like, their hobbies, their passion projects, and just plain rest and not think of anything.
